So it’s a day before my 18th birthday, and I must say it’s hitting me pretty hard, I’ve grown up so fast, and just thinking back through the years makes me want a time machine to go back in time. I’m nervous not only that I’m scared. I’m finally going to be an adult, and even though I’ve been acting like one, actually being a legal one makes everything different. I’m able to do things on my own now, without having a parent or guardian. If I mess up, it’s all gonna be on me and no one can help me. No more warnings, it’s the real thing now. But today, the date itself 04/07 I will never get over. Because it’s the day of losing you. 6 years and counting, my wounds haven’t went away, it actually becomes deeper as I get older. I wish you were here. I wish you can be here with me and see how much I’ve grown. I know you’ve been watching from above. But I want to hear your voice, hearing you say “happy birthday.” Seeing you look at me and smile, because you’re so proud of how much I’ve grown and become to be. Hugging me, saying how much you love me. This pain becomes worst each year, it shouldn’t. But I don’t know why. Maybe the fact that I’m older and that’s when I need you the most. I’m learning things on my own, as I’m doing something, I always stop to think what you would say to me. Telling me if it’s wrong or right. Tell me to do it and not to. My wish is just to see you one time, or hear you. Have a last dance with you.
April 2013
2 posts
It started off nice like always, but always have to end bad, we would get through it, but as each arguement got more serious. Each time we would try to settle it, it hurts to just sit there and try to keep a smile on my face, It’s because I wasn’t fully recovered. I wanted to be treated differently, have someone accept me and understand. Not someone who will push me away and leave me there, and make me deal with my self on my own. Words are easy to say to another, but to prove it is the challenge to it all. Promises are what people still have hope for, but once it’s broken. The trust between one another breaks down slowly. Caring is one thing but actually caring for someone takes alot, depending on how much you like that person, and how much you’re willing to sacrafice. You can easily tell if someone cares for you, and see how if they care as much as you do. When the careness level isn’t balance that’s what sets off the trouble, and the pain. It’s hard to find someone who can go throw it all, who can find all the puzzles and put it together, who can untangle the knots and put it in it’s place. But one day I hope you’ll realize, what happened. And stand up to your faults, because it’s about that moment for me to stop trying, but I’ll still be here caring, and hoping. And maybe one day you’ll have the bravery to come up to me and settle it like it should be.
